I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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