I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
