saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
