He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
