One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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