Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
