I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize