I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
