He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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