I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
