apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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