I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
