he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Alive.
So much puke
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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