she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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