Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
