Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize