I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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