the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
