Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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