You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
