you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
