There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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