I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
