Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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