I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its not stalking. its research.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
