The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
