You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
