I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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