Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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