Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
