Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
