1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
