Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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