Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
