I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
