Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
