I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
