I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
