please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
