yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
