Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize