I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
