Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
