I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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