HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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