So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
