And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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