Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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