The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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