I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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