in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
