I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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