Please, let me fuck your mom
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
