We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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