Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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