mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
