I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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