What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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