my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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