$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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