sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize