Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
