Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up under a house in Key West
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
