i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The uberlube is also flammable
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
