he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
