just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
