just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
