ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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