Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
