Do you still have your period?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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