I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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