he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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