just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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