Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
