Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
