When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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