Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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