a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
