Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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