I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
