How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
