you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
