You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
