apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
