Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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