You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
