Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
