I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
