I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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