so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
