The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's always time for handjobs
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I forget how to act sober
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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