he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
