Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
