I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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