Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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