I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
