We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
