those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize