Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
3pm strippers are depressing
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
