I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sext me about skeletons
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
