I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize