I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
