He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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